i permit you to call me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
