Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
