Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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