I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My liver just broke up with me...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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