I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
