she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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