i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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