what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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