I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Bring me that man meat
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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