Duck Duck Cougar?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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