Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
