The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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