My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
