Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
