"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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