I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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