Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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