My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
