We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
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I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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