Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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