I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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