I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was born a porn star she said
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
