Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You pole danced in your parka.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
