I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
