I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
