I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
