somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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