your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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