She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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