if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
