I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
