I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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