Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
