my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
