I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
