Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
