my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
