MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
