my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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