you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
