o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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