just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
