i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
