I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
