During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
