i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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