when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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