i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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