I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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