Just fell off a train. Bad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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