she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
