Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
