I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
