bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
