I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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