did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
