You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
