if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
