So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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