Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
