Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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