Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
